My New Job as a Prostitute… I Mean Construction Worker

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I had a lot of reasons for choosing to self-publish, and I stand by the decision, however, it did come with some drawbacks. Firstly, it turns out self-publishing is expensive. No, like, really expensive (who knew). Around the time I was gearing up to publish Fallen, I realized I needed book money, so I got a job with my sister doing decorative concrete. Because I have a slightly twisted and off key sense of humor, at first I told people that it was this or prostitution. However, as soon as I actually started working, I quickly realized that construction and prostitution have a more in common than you might think. I don’t actually know, but if I had to guess…

Anyway, in no particular order, here are some of my revelations:

  • You never know how good, bad, or ugly the job is going to be until you show up.
  • Construction workers, like prostitutes, spend a lot of time on their knees.
  • At some point during the day, you will probably end up with something unpleasant in your mouth.
  • It might not be today, and it might not be tomorrow, but inevitably you will have to touch something gross.
  • Both jobs involve stripping. In the case of construction, DO NOT get the chemical stripper on your skin; that shit burns.
  • Both jobs will inevitably require you to contort your body in strange and uncomfortable ways.
  • At the end of the day, muscles you didn’t know existed will probably hurt.
  • You WILL want to shower as soon as you get home.
  • At some point, someone is going to ask you to do something you don’t want to do.
  • When this time comes, you may want to impale your boss with something sharp for telling you to do “the thing.”
  • Both jobs can take you all over the country, but you will probably only want to work in the nicer parts.
  • Your eyes may burn from the smell, just breathe through your mouth.
  • If you have to ask what it is, you probably don’t want to know.
  • Someone may ask to come inside.
  • And, as always, safety first. Never get started without wearing your protective equipment.

Well, there you have it. Clearly construction and prostitution are virtually the same job. You know, in case you were wondering.


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Originally published July 2015 on my old website, this post was revised and transferred to MyTwistedFairyTales August 2016.

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