I Read Until Dawn… Con

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Cannes-Can’s Corner

Well, Reading Until Dawn Con has come, and gone. Amidst the whirlwind of booze, book talk, booze, games, booze, more book talk, and let’s not forget the booze that was RUDC17, I even managed to keep my pants on. Though, if I’m being honest, I didn’t start with pants, so that might have had something to do with it.

Just as I did for RUDC‘s inaugural year, I left exhausted in the most wonderful way. On Sunday, while I rested Pickles and reflected on what it is that makes RUDC so special– Pickles is my liver– it occurred to me that the thing I enjoy most isn’t the swag, the games, or even the copious amounts of alcohol, it’s being in the space of people like me. rudc17, reading until dawn con, roselynn cannes, louise belcher costumePeople who love words and escaping to other worlds as much as I do. People who understand what I mean when I talk about the voices in my head. (Don’t worry, they don’t talk to me, just each other). People who fan so hard that they share my oddly specific knowledge of [insert obsession of choice here].

While I’m usually completely content with my own company (I’m never really alone; I have the voices), sometimes it’s fun to make obscure references I don’t have to explain; and it’s always nice not to feel like a raving lunatic when conversation turns to [again, insert obsession of choice here]; and, frankly, not all of my nearest and dearest share my zeal for Harry Potter (hard to believe, I know), but that’s just the way of it… Okay, my whole family loves Harry Potter (the books, not the movies) so that was a bad example; however, if you’ve ever been with a group of people who didn’t get it when you asked if they thought Trump’s hair was a horcrux, then you know what I’m talking about. You need to be around your people every once in a while.

My new marketing guru, Jennie Marts, talks about finding your tribe. I’ve never had a tribe. Partners in crime, sure, but never a tribe. I suppose that’s what RUDC is for me: the tribe I never knew I wanted.

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Welp, it only took me a year, but I finally had my Fallen teasers updated with the new website (yay adulting!). I’vefallen, fallen series, book one, teaser, roselynn cannes, persephone, cato posted the full collection under Fiction Fans so they’re accessible to all my beloved Cannes-Can’s. They’re there for sharing, so don’t hesitate to save and post them EVERYWHERE. Seriously, spread that shit like a mouth-herpes outbreak at a college beer pong tournament. I know that’s gross, but I fucking mean it.

If you haven’t already, don’t forget to register for Reading Until Dawn Con. Party with me in person and collect a plethora of booty while you’re at it! (Like, pirate’s booty, not literal booty; get your minds out of the gutter). Anyhoo, RUDC is in less than two weeks, which means pantsless dancing is bound to ensue; you don’t want to miss it.

Reading Until Dawn Con (#RUDC17) – Denver, CO; June 3, 2017

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Pillow Fort Included


pillow fort, rudc17, coloringJune 3rd– and, therefore, Reading Until Dawn Con— is less than three weeks away. Please excuse me while I squee myself.


Okay, I think I’m done. (We’ll see). Anyhoo! It’s not too late to register. Join me and my cast of characters. The plushies, not the fictional char– You know what?It doesn’t matter, they’ll all be there: plushies and fictional characters alike.

Cannes-Can’s special pillow fort edition of Story Corner will include coloring; readings of a few of my favorite scenes from Fallen, Book 1 in the Fallen Series; nursery rhymes (naturally); and the pilot debut of Real Shit, personal narratives as modern day fairy tales (they’re going to have morals and everything).


** Ahem **

Join me at Reading Until Dawn Con, I want to tell you a story.

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I Miss My Long Hair


About a year ago I had the opportunity to do an author interview with the fantastic Aaron Michael Ritchey and Cody May for a Colorado Author Interview series. The videos are officially up! If you ignore the fact that all my dates are completely wrong, I actually did a pretty good job staying focused during this interview for a change (mostly). Go me! I hope you all enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed filming it!

You can see the updated news for my Fallen and Game of Thorns series(es) by following the links On My Nightstand (or just clicking the links I included in this post). And don’t forget to check out the rest of the author videos from this series here.

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A Day in the Life: My Writing Process


Writing can be grueling, but probably not for the reasons you think. Check out this never before seen sneak peek into my writing process and learn why it really takes me so long to get anything done.

P.S. I actually go through an extremely similar process when I stream, for any of my Twitch fans wondering why I’m not live more often.

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Everything But the Kitchen Sink

Everything But the Kitchen Sink


Hello my delightful Cannes-Cans! I hope you all enjoyed a happy and fun holiday season. As always, I’m just a touch late to the party, but I have some exciting news and a gift – of sorts – for all my fans and followers: More Me!!!

cyberterrism, aftermath, me, roselynn cannesIn the process of recovering from the cataclysm that was my computer’s destruction, I’ve been struggling to get back into any kind of swing of things. In my most recent post about the aftermath of what happened, I talked about how I was moving toward acceptance. I’m still not sure I’m there. Honestly, I have good days and bad. Some are a flurry of activity – I’ve even managed to make some progress on Destroyed – while others are a struggle in nearly every way. The good news, at least, is that I seem to be having more good days than bad lately and I’ve made some personal changes (particularly a new and lower stress job) that seem to have bolstered my motivation and creativity. Amen-hallelujah! It’s about fucking time.

To start, if you haven’t been around (because I haven’t been posting), I’ve added some new pages to My Twisted Fairy Tales. Be sure to check them all out. I now have pages for fans of my fiction and fans of my Twitch stream. It’s been slow going, partly because this is not yet my full-time job and partly because there’s a lot I still have to learn about technology, but I’m working hard to make a fun and interactive home base for my Street Team. If you don’t know what a street team is, don’t fret, I’ve posted an FAQ. Your feedback and questions are very welcome! Submit here.

In addition to the new pages here, I’m doing my part to make myself more interactive and accessible. I’m the first to admit that social media doesn’t really light my fire, but I’ve been thinking hard about things I can do to get more involved in ways that will be fun for me and all of you. To start, I’ve begun (just today) to start using my Snapchat story feature. I thought it would be a great way to offer you all glimpses into my daily life and give you the opportunity to see what a goob I actually am. Add me on Snap @roselynncannes to see #adayinthelife of Cannes-Can. You’re welcome.

The other social media platform I’ve been supremely underutilizing is Goodreads. I’ve always been an avid reader and I ache when I think about how little reading I’ve done lately. This needs to change immediately, if not sooner. I’ve added a “Currently Reading” widget here so you will always know what book I’ve got my nose stuck in. Don’t forget to add me on Goodreads so we can nerd out together over our latest and greatest literary obsessions. I’m always open to book recommendations and I love dissecting the tops and bottoms of my reading list.

I’ve heard it said time and again that consistency is the secret to success. I’ve also heard it said that writers write (go figure). One of my issues with consistently blogging has been that I don’t always know what I want to write about and I wait for inspiration to strike, which typically means that I’m waiting for something I feel highly emotionally invested in. As I spend a lot of time doing follow-up research, searching for the perfect words, editing, and finding appropriate media content to include with my posts, I tend to be a bit of a slow writer. By the time it’s all said and done, I’ve frequently lost my fervor for whatever I started writing about and the post sits unfinished, never to see the light of day. Suffice to say I need to change my methods or I will forever and always be in a state of fits-and-starts.

Since what I really want to do is write for a living and since many of you are here because of my written content, it’s logical to make flash fiction my priority focus for my blog. I’ve had a blast doing promotional flash fiction and I love the idea of doing more of it. Part of what mateemo, lol, league of legends, selfie, roselynn cannesde the promotional pieces so fun for me was the game aspect. I was given a prompt – and in some cases a requisite story to build on and words I had to include – and good, bad, or ugly I had to make the best of what I was given. It really forced me to think outside my normal patterns and get creative in order to write a cohesive and interesting short. To date, I hadn’t been able to find a consistent source for prompts that inspired the same sense of fun, uniqueness, and challenge I experienced when I wrote those flash fiction pieces. Well, ask and ye shall receive! Husband inadvertently placed the perfect set of prompts in my stocking for Christmas this year (Thank you, Darling!). The first post will go live this Friday and each subsequent Friday in what I shall be dubbing #FlashFictionFriday. The only thing I love more than games is secrets and I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise, so you’ll just have to stay tuned. This is either the best idea I’ve ever had, or the worst. We shall see 😉

Last, but certainly not least, I’ve recently joined Patreon, which I hope will be great for me and for all of my fans. If you don’t know what Patreon is, that’s okay. You can read a bit about what it is and why it will be good for me, and by association all of you, here. Success for me would mean that writing is lucrative enough to make story-telling my full-time job. My success means that I have more time to create more of the content you want from me. If you enjoy my content, be it on my blog, my fiction, my stream, or my social media, at least check my Patreon out. Even if you decide patronage isn’t for you, there are lots of other ways you can show your appreciation, connect with me, and get involved. I’d love to see all your smiling faces! (Literally).

This is Cannes-Can wishing you all a very Happy New Year! Thank you all for being here! I heart your collective faces off!!!

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The 5 Stages of Moving the Fuck On

The 5 Stages of Moving the Fuck On


This isn’t happening. Who the fuck does this? There has to be a way to fix it. Fuck…I can’t go on. I guess I’ll just get up and go on.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

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Requisite reading: A Stranger Broke My Heart Today (only if you want this post to make sense).

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The Beauty of the Beast


The smell of baking bread, lentil beans, and fish filtered into Belle’s awareness. It was the potency of the fish in particular that woke her, and her eyes fluttered open. Discombobulated, she tried to remember what had happened. Clearly she was in an alleyway in the market, but the memory of how or why she was there eluded her.

Fully aware of each and every pebble digging painfully into her, she sat up. With hands made clumsy by their violent shaking, Belle took a moment to attempt to fight the panic threatening by focusing on the mundane task of brushing off the gravel still sticking to her naked skin. Despite her efforts, her heart sped up, stuttering over itself. Her breath sawed in and out of her lungs. Dirt, and what looked uncannily like blood, caked itself into the creases of her knuckles and underneath her fingernails. One nail had been broken. Ripped off all the way to the midpoint and her finger throbbed in acknowledgement.

She would need to check a calendar to be sure, but she would guess that it had been exactly twenty-nine days since the last time. The last full moon. Ambivalence consumed her. Snaked its way up from her belly and threatened to choke her. She wasn’t sure if she should laugh maniacally because she might be losing her mind, or sob because she knew for a fact that she wasn’t.

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The above is the original Beauty of the Beast flash fiction, which was written for an author spot with Alpha Heroes promoting the first ever Reading Until Dawn Con. The Mad-Libs style interview with Alpha Heroes is what planted the seed for the whole Game of Thorns concept. You’re welcome– I mean, thank you. See the original interview here and check out the strange directions Belle was taken after I released her into the loving care of Reading Until Dawn Con’s other featured author’s here.

The Beauty of the Beast will be book 5 of Game of Thorns, which will be my next project after the Fallen Series. The predicted release is, you know, it will be released.

It’s Time to Take My Fingers Out of My Nose and Make the Sausage

It’s Time to Take My Fingers Out of My Nose and Make the Sausage



As I imagine many writers do, I have more story-lines in my head than I do time to work on them, which means that sometimes I’m hit with a case of the “Squirrels!” and I deviate from whatever my primary project is. For Game of Thorns— originally a secondary project that I had to back-burner because it grew and changed (as stories do) and will now be my primary project after I finish the Fallen Series— I had the opportunity to do a great deal of research about 18th century France. Being the lover of language that I am, some of my favorite research had to do with French idioms. It’s true that people say the darndest things, and turns of phrase seem to be proof of that.

Since learning is fun and I love sharing knowledge, here are some of the best of the best of the best, Sir!



1. When something is easy for you, you do it “fingers in the nose” (les doigts dans le nez).

I’m pretty sure they’re encouraging me to pick my nose and I don’t say no to much.

2. If you have “an arse full of noodles” (avoir le cul bordé de nouilles), evidently that means you are lucky.

Frankly, I beg to differ. I can think of zero reasons I would want an arse full of noodles. That sounds terrible for arseholes and noodles alike.

3. Beware of the woman who has her bears (avoir ses ours)!

*loudly whispers, “It means she’s menstruating”*


4. “That makes me drunk” (ça me soûle) is the same as saying “that pisses me off.”

Wrong. Clearly I’d rather be drunk.

5. A big job is obviously “a Roman’s work” (c’est un travail de Romain).

I couldn’t not share this one given the Greco-Roman influences and references in the Fallen Series. I mean, obviously.


6. Pussy (in the vulgar sense) is still “pussy” (chatte) in the vulgar sense.

It’s just nice to know that some things are cross-cultural.

7. Settle down you “hot rabbit” (être un chaud lapin), there’s no reason that last one should have made you horny.

It would seem that rabbit references related to sex and horniness are also cross-cultural.

And now I can’t stop with the sex stuff, I’m on a roll.

8. You’ll need to wash your sheets in the morning if you “made a map of France” (faire une carte de France) during the night.

Nope, you didn’t “get lucky”– sorry– you had a wet dream. Better luck next time.

9. Alright, let’s class it up a little. You can find any number of literary references to la petite mort, “the little death;” more commonly known as an orgasm.

If it’s in literature, it’s high brow.

*That’s right. Isn’t that right?*index

10. Last, but not least, if something goes down smoothly– as in down one’s throat smoothly– it is “the little Jesus in velvet underwear” (le petit Jésus en culotte de velours).

While I’m at least 20% certain that this one only sounds sexual, all this talk of underwear and things sliding down throats makes it hard to tell.


**And as a bonus idiom– as it is the second half of my title– “to make the sausage” (faire l’andouille) is to do something ridiculous. Something I would know nothing about. But now I’m mixing metaphors, and with that, I bid you adieu.**

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This post was originally written January 2016 and posted to my old website.

Is That Like Rocky Mountain Oysters?

Is That Like Rocky Mountain Oysters?

Ah, my nut sac! Ah!

October of last year, I plunged ass-first into the world of self-published writers. Almost a year later and I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. Don’t care, it’s still some of the most fun I’ve ever had. Just maybe don’t use me as the foremost authority on writing, or publishing, or adulting.

While I’ve done pretty well staying focused on the writing part of publishing…sort of. Focus is relative… Anyway, by choosing to indie publish, I am not just responsible for the writing, but everything else that comes with it. Like PR. To do this effectively, I’m told I need to find a niche. You know, brand myself, or something. Apparently drinking gin and ripping my pants off in public is only ideal marketing for strippers. Or so I’m told. I don’t know, it’s hard to remember when I’ve been drinking.

But I digress.

It’s likely that I will continue refusing to wear pants (viva la revolución), but that doesn’t mean I can’t also attempt to focus. And by focus, I obviously mean meander less. As a natural scatter-brain, focusing on just one thing is sort of like attempting to force a square peg into a round hole. It doesn’t matter how hard I push, it just won’t fit. However, there is something I already do on a consistent basis that doesn’t involve drinking or pantsless dancing– shocking, but it’s true. Drum roll, please…………

It’s research. When I write, I do stupid amounts of research. This is partly because I care about getting the details right and partly because I’m prone to falling down the rabbit hole once I get started. I come across a number of strange and interesting bits of information in my quest to find the exact piece of data that I’m looking for. What better place is there to share all the often useless knowledge that doesn’t make it into the final cut than right here? You’re welcome.

Without further ado, as the Fallen Series was largely influenced and inspired by Ancient Greco-Roman society, I’ll kick things off with some fun facts about the ancient world:

  1. In Ancient Greece throwing an apple to a woman was considered a marriage proposal. In part two of this fun fact, catching said apple meant she accepted the proposal. So, ladies, if you’re single and intend to stay that way, beware of flying fruit.
  2. Anyone that saw the movie 300 knows that in Ancient Sparta boys began military training at age 7. But did you also know that military service lasted until age 60? Assuming, of course, they lived that long. That’s what I call job security.
  3. Music in Ancient Greece was a form of mathematics as well as art. This might explain why I’m terrible at both; they’re actually the same thing.
  4. Beard trimming became an art in Ancient Greece. So much so that barbers became leading citizens. So, basically Greeks were the first hipsters. At least we know who to blame.
  5. Ancient Olympic competitors ate sheep testicles to enhance performance. So evidently, performing enhancing drugs have been a problem since the outset. Go figure. In additional news, only men were allowed to compete in the early Olympics and they did so in the nude to ensure that no women participated in the games. Imagine running that way. Was the chafing worth it, boys? Was it really?

God I love useless trivia so much. Bask in it with me for a moment. Do you feel that? That warm tingling sensation is the feeling of information you’ll probably never need burrowing itself into the synapses of your mind. Ahhhh… Enjoy 😉

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This post was originally published December 30, 2015 on my old website; it was revised and published to MyTwistedFairyTales August 1, 2016.